We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
