remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
