the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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