We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
