why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
