This is not my ceiling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
