Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
