like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
