I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
