Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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