Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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