my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
