Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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