Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
