Someone shit on the floor
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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