Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
