update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
