I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
