I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
