A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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