Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
