Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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