I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
try to milk me bitch
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