i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
