i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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