...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
