Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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