She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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