Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
