I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
