Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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