Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
