weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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