i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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