He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
