If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
