Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
