1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
