I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
