"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
