woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
