oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
