Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
