HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
