You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my shit smells like andre
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
