honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
