I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
whose parrot is this?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
