I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
