so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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