I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
