so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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