That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize