Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
