I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
