I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
