i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
