Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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