I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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