Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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