Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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