he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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