I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
