No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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