"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
