just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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