I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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