Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
