You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
