Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
