Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This baby is an asshole
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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