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the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize