Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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