it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
