I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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