At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
there is puke in my bra ... again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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