Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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