Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
