trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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