pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
