Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
