is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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