If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
