hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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