I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
