Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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My liver just had a heart attack.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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