I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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