matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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