if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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