You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
