I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wear drunk well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
