She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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