ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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